Meet the Members

milo
Milo, Elementary School Mascot

I will not hesitate to tear one of those suckers a new B-hole. PUN MOST DEFINITELY INTENDED.

Milo

Marlow
Marlow, 10 pounds of Rage

If that thing gets any closer I will lose my shit. I ain’t even kidding.

Marlow

XiXi
Xi-Xi, Living Room Search and Rescue

A lot of people are here for support. I get that. But that’s not me. I’m here to defeat those jerks. VOTE THOR! TAKE BACK THE FLOOR!

Xi-Xi

Maggie May
Maggie May, Tripod Racing Team Capt.

Don’t let the 3 legs fool you. I have personally slain 2 “pet hair” vacuums.

Maggie May

George (1)
George, Grand Champion, Snuggle-bug Div. (2015-18)

I have had it with that vacuum. And the leaf blower. And honestly, I’m over that whole blender business too. What the heck even is that thing?

George

pocket
Pocket, Cheetos Bag Inspector

I cannot tell you what a lifesaver the Vacuum Cleaner Defense League has been. I am constantly in danger of getting vacuumed right up!

Pocket

shadow Mervyn
Shadow ‘Murder Paws’ Mervyn, Do Not Mess With

Yeah, my people think I’m resting but really I’m conserving my strength. When I’m done napping, I am going for blood.

Shadow

Gimme that thing. GIVE IT. IMA MESS IT UP.

George

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Wrigley and Harry, Security Experts

This is the season we shed enough to suffocate that thing. I really think we can do it. Ain’t that right Harry? You in, Harry? Yeah…he’s in.

Wrigley and Harry

Shyler
Shyler, Lawnmower Defense, Gold medalist (2016)

I’ll bite it’s damn accessory cradle off. I don’t care.

Shyler