Meet the Members

Molly - VCDL crop
Molly, High Jump Champion (2014-present)

I’ve known Thor for a long time. He’s a solid candidate and a good runner. Plus, the speed with which he loses his sh*t around vacuums is amazing. Truly inspiring.

Molly

Rocket - VCDL crop
Rocket, Drummer

I’ve heard that if you pee directly into the bag compartment, your humans will eventually have to give it away because of the smell.

Rocket

Brutus- VCDL crop
Brutus, Biology Teacher

I watched a shop vac drink up all the water in the bird fountain. I didn’t know they could do that. It was terrible. Those poor thirsty birds.

Brutus

Dotty - VCDL crop
Dotty, Structural Engineer

I have discovered it’s lair and will attempt another covert assassination this evening. In the event I am unsuccessful, I will bark at it incessantly for six hours.

You’re welcome.

Dotty

Simon - VCDL crop
Simon, Neighborhood Crime Prevention

I also hate Bob Henderson’s lawnmower.

Simon

dolce - VCDL crop
Dulce, Gourmand

It wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d been able to taste some of the quinoa after it spilled but the vacuum cleaner is always so Johnny-on-the-spot. If I can get into its cupboard, I plan to disembowel it.

Dolce

Buffy- VCDL crop
Buffy, Crossing Guard

Vacuum cleaners are only half the problem. I think we need to start looking into those ceiling fans as well. Those are sketchy as all get-out.

Buffy

Liv - - VCDL crop
Liv, Motivational Speaker

If we come together and vote for Thor, we will surely defeat these-OMG DID IT JUST MOVE? I thought I saw it move.

Liv

Daisy - VCDL crop
Daisy, Fiber Artist

I’m worried about that weed whacker too. I tried to bite it the other day and it bit me back. I am not okay with that.

Daisy

William - VCDL crop
William, Colonial Reenactor

Everyone likes clean floors but they never think of the lasting damage these things can inflict on a dog’s psyche. Not to mention their teeth! It’s a shame.

William

Duke and Duchess - VCDL crop.png

I was ambushed by a central vac back in ’12. Almost lost a leg. Remember that day, Dutchess?   -Duke

Like it was yesterday. Those were dark times Duke. Dark times.  -Dutchess

Duke and Dutchess

Penny - VCDL crop
Penny, Interior Designer

Thor Michaelson is definitely the candidate we need. He fights for all of us. Even us shorties.

Penny

Jax - VCDL crop
Jax, Barrista

I ate an entire dust buster once. Bag and all. I’ll do it again if I have to.

Jax

Kallie - VCDL crop
Kallie, ASL Interpreter

I’m worried about what they do to the air quality inside. I’ve heard you can get polyps if you’re around them too long.

Kallie

 

Chloe - VCDL crop
Chloe, W. Wash Pro-Hackysack, Trainer/League Cap.

No one needs floors that clean. That’s nuts.

Chloe

Sasha - VCDL crop
Sasha, Poultry Inspector

Of course I’m voting Thor! Did you see how he went after that Dyson? He’s a fighter for sure.

Sasha

Prim - VCDL crop
Prim, Sound Technician

Oh I am definitely going to kill that thing. Yes.

Prim

Ayla
Ayla, Swim Instructor

I caught my people vacuuming the drapes the other day. I mean, is that kind of terror really necessary?

Alya

 

Roxie - VCDL crop
Roxie, Master Gardener

Thor’s the man to get this done, I tell you. He’s definitely got my vote. I’ve already registered.

Roxie

Daisy
Daisy, Norse Mythology Expert

Bagnarök is upon us. This is the doings of that dastardly Dirt Devil, I just know it.

Daisy

milo
Milo, Elementary School Mascot

I will not hesitate to tear one of those suckers a new B-hole. PUN MOST DEFINITELY INTENDED.

Milo

Marlow
Marlow, 10 pounds of Rage

If that thing gets any closer I will lose my shit. I ain’t even kidding.

Marlow

XiXi
Xi-Xi, Living Room Search and Rescue

A lot of people are here for support. I get that. But that’s not me. I’m here to defeat those jerks. VOTE THOR! TAKE BACK THE FLOOR!

Xi-Xi

Maggie May
Maggie May, Tripod Racing Team Capt.

Don’t let the 3 legs fool you. I have personally slain 2 “pet hair” vacuums.

Maggie May

George (1)
George, Grand Champion, Snuggle-bug Div. (2015-18)

I have had it with that vacuum. And the leaf blower. And honestly, I’m over that whole blender business too. What the heck even is that thing?

George

pocket
Pocket, Cheetos Bag Inspector

I cannot tell you what a lifesaver the Vacuum Cleaner Defense League has been. I am constantly in danger of getting vacuumed right up!

Pocket

shadow Mervyn
Shadow ‘Murder Paws’ Mervyn, Do Not Mess With

Yeah, my people think I’m resting but really I’m conserving my strength. When I’m done napping, I am going for blood.

Shadow

Gimme that thing. GIVE IT. IMA MESS IT UP.

George

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Wrigley and Harry, Security Experts

This is the season we shed enough to suffocate that thing. I really think we can do it. Ain’t that right Harry? You in, Harry? Yeah…he’s in.

Wrigley and Harry

Shyler
Shyler, Lawnmower Defense, Gold medalist (2016)

I’ll bite it’s damn accessory cradle off. I don’t care.

Shyler

Kiki
Kiki, Polar Bear Impersonator

I’m hypoallergenic fer’chrissake! You’d think that would be the end of it! But you’d be wrong. So, soo wrong.

Kiki

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While vacuums present a terrible threat, I think we are under-representing just how horrible those Swiffers are. I have some solid ideas about how we can stop them which I will be presenting at the next meeting.

Sheba Mae Quentin

Conner
Conner, Softest Dog Ever, 5-time World Champ

STOP SAYING IT’S MY FAULT THAT YOU HAVE TO VACUUM, LINDA. OTHER PEOPLE SHED TOO. OMG WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE CARPET?

Conner

Turtle Sundae
Turtle Sundae, OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG SO CUTE

Sure, I’m only 9 weeks old, but I’m a h*eckin’ strong Bulldog I’m gonna mess that thing up…right after naps.

Turtle Sundae

Phoenix
Phoneix, 2018 Floofmeister World Champion

If they wanted that much noise in the house I know any amount of dogs that would be happy to oblige. Hell, that Boxer down the street even. You know, the one that barks at suspicious trees all afternoon? Yeah. I’d rather live with that guy than that screaming tube/box contraption.

 

Phoenix

Rocky
Rocky, Decorated Combat Veteran (Plug End Strikeforce)

I was in the service when they introduced the Meile U1 Freshair Upright. That was a dark day, I can tell you. But we got it in the end. Oh yes. The key is the retractable cord.

Rocky

Hamilton
Hamilton, Star Wars Impersonator

I only have so much fur to shed and that thing is always hungry. It doesn’t take a genius to see the do-or-die scenario here. It’s unsafe! Someone needs to do something.

Hamilton

Bandit
Bandit, Couch Avenger

I protec. Expecially my naps. Vacuums can suck it.

Bandit

Millicent
Millicent, “Call-me-Milli”, Goodwill Ambassador

Look, I don’t want to harsh anyone’s mellow but I really do think these vacuums are the worst. Always with the noise and the ugh, …everything. Who says rugs have to be clean anyway? Can’t we all just nap on dirty carpets? Besides, more carpet stains mean you can have more parties, AMIRITE?!

Millicent

Ghost Henderson
Ghost Henderson, Demolitions Expert, Household Machinery Div.

Don’t even try with me that Roomba business, Phil. It’s gonna get just as pounced on as that dumb Dirt Devil you insist on using. ‘Retreat and repeat’ baby! Works every time.

Ghost Henderson

Daisy
Daisy, Street Assessment Team

I seen it. I know it’s in that closet. You open that door and I WILL NOT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR MY ACTIONS.

Daisy

Emma, 30
Emma, Stranger Avoidance Division, C.O.O.

I vow to support this cause with a campaign of relentless meowing.

Emma

Warrior
Buck, Tired of This BS

I totally support the VCDL. I don’t think they can do enough. The vacuum scares me. Fireworks scare me. The UPS man scares me. I am not fond of thunderstorms, either. I’ll be under the desk if anyone needs me.

Buck

Wolfey
Wolfey, Senior Squad Leader, Rodent Control

Vacuums aren’t the only problem, lawnmowers are just the WORST! And don’t get me started on treadmills – How on earth do THOSE make sense?

Wolfey

Miley
Miley, Domestic Security Officer, Spec. Squirrels Unit.

 My people chased that vacuum around all day. They could have lost toes! Or feet! They could have died! OMG with these people. I can’t even.

Miley

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Bailey, Shedding Squad Captain

I’ve been shedding non-stop for four years straight and that vacuum cleaner still won’t die. I don’t know what else to do.

Baily

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Bailey, 2015-17 Worldwide Napping Champion

I hate that thing. I was having a very nice nap and it tried to kill me. Now I gotta go pee in the back of the closet again.

Lina

Jak, Thoroughly Annoyed
Jak, Thoroughly Annoyed

This is a barn! Who vacuums a sodding barn Karen!? Next time, I swear I’m going to kick that thing.

Jak

stellaluna-9-mo
Stella Luna: Ear Model

Why are you taking that thing out of the closet again? You know I’m just gonna go bat-sh*t crazy. DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME, JILL?

Stella Luna

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Sam and Dean, Demolitions Experts

We don’t approve of vacuum cleaners, do we Sam?   -Dean

No Dean, we do not. I think we should pee on that one as soon as possible.   -Sam

Sam and Dean

finlay
Finlay: Adorable Anger Mgmt Team.

That vacuum cleaner stole my ball, guys! What do I do? IT STOLE MY H*CKEN BALL.

Finlay

hank
Hank, Aquatics Instructor and Shoreline Enthusiast

I heard you have to go for the hose part. Rip it right out. You can’t show these things any mercy whatsoever.

Hank

Sophie, 1 yo.
Sophie, Living Room Rug Guardian

I mean, I have no problem with the hand-held jobbies but that big guy? No, he’s got to go. He almost ate one of my feet last time.

Sophie

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Scooby and Dani, Breakfast Cereal Enthusiasts

It came after Scooby again right while he was trying to nap. – Dani

Thank goodness for you Dani. I would have been a goner otherwise. -Scooby

Scooby and Dani

Teagan, a large fluffy black dog louging
Teagan, Irish Ambassador and Donut Safety Activist.

I watched an industrial shop vac eat my favorite sock. It was horrible. I loved that sock. This insanity has to end.

Teagan

Louie, Patron Saint of Dollies
Louie, Patron Saint of Dollies

Louie would have rather attended a tea party in full Edwardian dress than face the vacuum cleaner. Pinkies up for Louie!

Louie (In Memoriam)

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Bert, 22yo and Sick of Your Shit

In my day we didn’t have any of these fancy hand-held types. We had Hoovers and you had to run or they would tear the tail right off your a$$.

Bert

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Moyer, Disgruntled Cat

This is b@llsh*t, man. Complete BS.

Moyer

Bug, Zoe and Oliver, Cat-Trifecta
Bug, Zoe and Oliver, Cat-Trifecta

It ate all the milk rings. We cannot go on like this.   -Bug

It’s a monster. A MONSTER I TELL YOU.   -Oliver

Did you see what it did to the couch? All my fur nests have been wiped out.   – Zoe

 

 

 

Bug, Zoe, and Oliver

Chase, Tragically Over-Hydrated.
Chase, Tragically Over-Hydrated.

This is worse than the lawn mower.

Chase

Simon, Neighborhood Canine Patrol
Simon, Neighborhood Canine Patrol

I think they should ban Bob Henderson’s lawnmower too. Good-for-nothing noisemaker is all it is.

Simon

Clover, Strange Looking Dog
Clover, Strange Looking Dog

THIS  M+$#@*#^!ER  ATE MY CHEERIO. IMA MESS IT UP.

Clover

Tony, very fluffy cat.
Tony, very fluffy cat.

I’m not saying dogs are right or anything, but…yeah, I agree. Those vacuums need to be put down.

Tony

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Tug-a-boo, Hot Dog Commissioner

I’m not really afraid of the vacuum cleaner per se. I mean, it’s basically a harmless suctioning device. But they serve turkey hot dogs at the meetings and someone usually brings one of those Chukkit things. It’s a pretty good time. Beats barking at suspicious trees all afternoon.

Tug-a-Boo

Echo, Professional Stunt Driver
Echo, Professional Stunt Driver

No, I’m not hiding. It’s just that sometimes I like to go to my happy place, you know? My happy pl-OHDOG THERE IT IS.

Echo

Leisl, Campion Rug Roller
Leisl, Champion Rug Roller

Even if you properly claim it the damn thing comes back. Trust me. This is the 378th time I’ve had to reclaim this rug and I’m expecting another battle this afternoon.

Leisl

Tooey, Stare-Master
Tooey, Stare-Master

I’ve stared it into submission for now but when this thing starts moving, Ima be all over it LIKE A CHICKEN DINNER.

Tooey

Winston, Get off His Lawn
Winston, Get off His Lawn

When are we going to do something about those g*damned garbage men? Something has got to be done about them.  They’ve terrorized us long enough!

Winston

Isabelle, VP, Arch Nemesis Obliteration Coalition
Isabelle, VP, Arch Nemesis Obliteration Coalition

If you ask me, they aren’t doing enough. Someone needs to do something about those hairdryers as well.

Isabelle

 

Chewy and Xena, Procrastination Committee Co-Chairs.
Chewy and Xena, Procrastination Committee Co-Chairs.

We will absolutely support the Vacuum Cleaner Defense League as soon as naptime is over.

Chewy and Xena

Kenny, Gourmet Skateboard Eater
Kenny, Gourmet Skateboard Eater

I saw them vacuum the cat once. It almost lost its tail. I don’t even like the cat but that was too much.

Kenny

Spartacus, Founder, UPSTruck Hater Posse
Spartacus, Founder, UPSTruck Hater Posse

Last year, they bought a Roomba. A FRIGGEN’ ROOMBA. 

Spartacus

Annie, 6 yr.
Annie, President, Arch Nemesis Obliteration Coalition.

I support the Vacuum Cleaner Defense League. This year, I intend to focus my efforts toward the total annihilation of both the vacuum cleaner and that dog next door. Have you seen that guy? He’s the worst.

Annie

Chinook, VCDL Member and Sunshine Advocate

My humans have no idea of the dangers they face. One of them actually opened the door to the UPS Man the other day! Without me, they would surely perish.

Chinook

Blix, Combat Veteran.
Blix, Combat Veteran.

I have already seen a modicum of success in the total domination of both the hand held vacuum as well as the upright model. They are right to fear my wrath and I will not hesitate to unleash a holy fury of terror should they try to vacuum any of my floors again.

Blix

Zephyr, VCDL Acolyte
Zephyr, VCDL Acolyte

I don’t mind so much the curtains being done but my mom told me that the vacuum cleaner can turn the floor into hot lava. That freaks me out.

Zephyr

Whopper, Stalwart Supporter and Lifetime Member, VCLD
Whopper, Stalwart Supporter and Lifetime Member, VCLD

I’m serious man, don’t open that closet.

Whopper