Meet the Members

Miley, Domestic Security Officer, Spec. Squirrels Unit.

 My people chased that vacuum around all day. Do you think any of them listened to my warnings? They did not. They could have lost toes! Or feet! They could have died! OMG with these people.

I can’t even.


Miley, 5 yo

Bailey, Shedding Squad Captain

I’ve been shedding non-stop for four years straight and that vacuum cleaner still won’t die. I don’t know what else to do.

Baily, 4 yo

Bailey, 2015-17 Worldwide Napping Champion

I hate that thing. I was having a very nice nap and it tried to kill me. Now I gotta go pee in the back of the closet again.

Lina, 5 yo

Jak, Thoroughly Annoyed
Jak, Thoroughly Annoyed

This is a sodding barn! Who vacuums a barn? Next time, I swear I’m going to kick that thing.

Jak, 15 years


Stella Luna: Ear Model

Why are you taking that thing out of the closet again? You know I’m just gonna go bat-sh*t crazy. DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME, JILL?

Stella Luna, 9 mo.

Sam and Dean: Expert Marksmen

We don’t approve of vacuum cleaners, do we Sam?   -Dean

No Dean, we do not. I think we should pee on that one as soon as possible.   -Sam


Sam and Dean, 6 months


Finlay: Adorable Anger  Management Team.

That vacuum cleaner stole my ball, guys! What do I do? IT STOLE MY H*CKEN BALL.

Finlay, 10 weeks

Hank, Aquatics Instructor and Shoreline Enthusiast

I heard you have to go for the hose part. Rip it right out. You can’t show these things any mercy whatsoever.

Hank, 4 yr.

Sophie, 1 yo.
Sophie, avid guardian of living room rug.

I mean, I have no problem with the hand-held jobbies but that big guy? No, he’s got to go. He almost ate one of my feet last time.

Sophie, 1 yr.

Scooby and Dani, Exotic Grain Enthusiasts
Scooby and Dani, Breakfast Cereal Enthusiasts

Someone spilled a bowl of quinoa the other day and the vacuum ate everything before we could even try it. – Dani

I’ve never had quinoa before. Now I never will. -Scooby

Scooby 3 yr and Dani 6 yr