Meet the Members

Bailey, Shedding Squad Captain

I’ve been shedding non-stop for four years straight and that vacuum cleaner still won’t die. I don’t know what else to do.


Baily, 4 yo

Bailey, 2015-17 Worldwide Napping Champion

I hate that thing. I was having a very nice nap and it tried to kill me. Now I gotta go pee in the back of the closet again.

Lina, 5 yo

Jak, Thoroughly Annoyed
Jak, Thoroughly Annoyed

This is a sodding barn! Who vacuums a barn? Next time, I swear I’m going to kick that thing.

Jak, 15 years


Stella Luna: Ear Model

Why are you taking that thing out of the closet again? You know I’m just gonna go bat-sh*t crazy. DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME, JILL?

Stella Luna, 9 mo.

Sam and Dean: Expert Marksmen

We don’t approve of vacuum cleaners, do we Sam?   -Dean

No Dean, we do not. I think we should pee on that one as soon as possible.   -Sam


Sam and Dean, 6 months


Finlay: Adorable Anger  Management Team.

That vacuum cleaner stole my ball, guys! What do I do? IT STOLE MY H*CKEN BALL.

Finlay, 10 weeks

Hank, Aquatics Instructor and Shoreline Enthusiast

I heard you have to go for the hose part. Rip it right out. You can’t show these things any mercy whatsoever.

Hank, 4 yr.

Sophie, 1 yo.
Sophie, avid guardian of living room rug.

I mean, I have no problem with the hand-held jobbies but that big guy? No, he’s got to go. He almost ate one of my feet last time.

Sophie, 1 yr.

Scooby and Dani, Exotic Grain Enthusiasts
Scooby and Dani, Breakfast Cereal Enthusiasts

Someone spilled a bowl of quinoa the other day and the vacuum ate everything before we could even try it. – Dani

I’ve never had quinoa before. Now I never will. -Scooby

Scooby 3 yr and Dani 6 yr

Teagan, a large fluffy black dog louging
Teagan, Irish Ambassador and Donut Safety Activist.

I watched an industrial shop vac eat my favorite sock. It was horrible. I loved that sock. This insanity has to end.

Teagan, 2 yr.