Letters to Thor: No to Vacuums!

Subject: No to vacuums

Had there not been a red light on 175th, I wouldn’t have seen the “campaign” sign. What a hoot.

As a gay (hope that doesn’t offend you) septuagenarian and there are a lot of us not around due to HIV/AIDS (hope that DOES offend you), I’m sending this link to all of the “Vacuum Queens” I know, and there’s a bunch! Some of them even have dogs, but give me a dedicated possessive cat any day!

DEAR SIR,

IN MY EXPERIENCE, HUMAN SEXUAL PREFERENCE IS AN IMPERFECT INDICATOR OF GENEROSITY WHEN IT COMES TO BELLY RUBS OR TREATS. I HAVE FOUND THAT *HAPPINESS* IS THE THING TO LOOK FOR, ESPECIALLY IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO FEED YOU TURKEY HOT DOGS. OR THOSE LITTLE VIENNA SAUSAGE THINGIES.

MMM…LITTLE VIENNA SAUSAGES THINGIES.

BUT I DIGRESS! THOUGH YOU CONFESS TO BEING A ‘CAT PERSON’, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY WELCOME YOUR SUPPORT. CATS AND I HAVE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES IN THE PAST, BUT I HAVE RECENTLY DISCOVERED THAT MANY OF THEM SUPPORT OF THE ANTI-VACUUM CLEANER MOVEMENT TOO. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

IN CLOSING, PLEASE LET YOUR ROYAL FRIENDS KNOW THAT I WILL WORK TIRELESSLY IN MY EFFORTS TO RID YOUR FINE HOMES OF THESE TERRIBLE MONSTERS. (THE VACUUM CLEANERS. NOT THE CATS.)

FAITHFULLY YOURS,

THOR MICHAELSON

 

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