UNITED WE STAND

DEAREST PEOPLE,

I STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY A HUMBLED DOG.

AT THE OUTSET OF MY CAMPAIGN, I HAD ASSUMED THAT VACUUM CLEANERS (AND SOMETIMES BROOMS) WERE SOLELY A DOG’S BANE. THAT IT FELL ON CANINE SHOULDERS TO RISE UP AND LEAD THIS MESSY FLOOR REVOLUTION.

I WAS WRONG.

THERE ARE, TO MY UTTER DISBELIEF, MANY PETS OF THE…UH…FELINE PERSUASION THAT HAVE WRITTEN TO ME, PLEDGING THEIR FULL SUPPORT TO THE VCDL.

THERE IS NO DOUBT WE HAVE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES IN THE PAST (I AM SPEAKING SPECIFICALLY TO YOU, NEIGHBOR CAT WHO KEEPS TRYING TO SNEAK OVER AND EAT THE BIRDS OUT OF MY GARDEN FOUNTAIN). BUT IT IS PRECISELY BECAUSE OF THESE DIFFERENCES THAT I POST HERE TODAY.

I AM PROFOUNDLY HUMBLED BY THE OUTPOURING OF FELINE SUPPORT FOR OUR CAUSE.

AS OF TODAY, I AM FORMALLY CHANGING OUR CHARTER. WE ARE NO LONGER A DOG-EXCLUSIVE COALITION. WE WELCOME ANY AND ALL PETS WHO SUFFER FROM OVER-ZEALOUS CARPET OWNERS.

TO ALL THE TERRIFIED, RUTHLESSLY VACUUM- (AND SOMETIMES BROOM-) PERSECUTED ANIMALS OUT THERE, WE OF THE VCDL WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN PAWS.

EXCEPT FOR THAT NEIGHBOR CAT.

YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM MY BIRDS.

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3 thoughts on “UNITED WE STAND

  1. Wesley Stewart

    Hello, Mr Michaelson. I have been informed of your presence for a while now, and would request an inquiry of your place of birth. You look very similar to my dog Leonard Herschel Stewart. In simple, I may be looking at your brother right now.

    Like

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